Day 22

Today was a rather relaxing day and I am glad to be back on the road prepping for a game tomorrow afternoon. God has been faithful over the past few weeks and even though my wrist is still not at 100%, I know that I will be able to make it through tomorrow with his strength. I continued to read my new book today and I am absolutely enjoying it. I am learning so much about this area that I have struggled within the past and I am going to use what I have learned to break the bondage that I have been under for quite some time now. I have become more confident in myself over the past few weeks and I know that I can achieve my goals as long as I continue to make the choice to follow what has been instilled in me. The driving force behind my recovery is the blood of Christ and the pain he endured for my shame. I will not lie down and let the enemy walk over me because Christ already did that so I could taste victory after overcoming the struggle. I hope that my changes are becoming evident but I know that I still have an awfully long way to go. I need to overcome because I know that God is waiting to use me and these experiences will just build me up to the person that can help the people I come into contact with over the rest of my life. When we face trials, we gain knowledge that not everyone else has and that enables us to convey a message to people and they will be able to trust us and know that we know what we are talking about.

I barely put any time into my relationship with God and the time I do is not always wholly devoted to Him. I am ashamed that I cannot even give him 40 minutes of my undivided time every day when He poured his blood out for me and gave everything He had for 30+ years so that I could have life and be solely His. I can never match God in terms of commitment because he will stick by me no matter what I have done or the lack of time I have spent with Him, He wants to be my friend and my father regardless of how dirty and lost I am. Luke 22:44 states, "And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." All I have to say is that if my savior can pour his heart out for me to the extent of practically bleeding for me, then I can put some more effort into my walk with him and do my best not to disappoint him on a daily basis. I can make it my heart's desire to chase after Him and grow closer to Him no matter what else is going on in my life. How can I know that someone cares about me so much and still reject spending any time with them whatsoever. I have been like the disciples who fell asleep in the garden while He was praying for them and for the things that were about to come to pass. I have fallen asleep during my walk down this path and I just messed up a few years of my life. The good this is that God grabbed ahold of me and I have been awaken to some new thoughts and I am going to use it the best I can.

God has been so great to me and I am thankful for all that He gives me through the blog and the interaction that I do have with him. I just know that He deserves more than I have given him and I will continue to strive to give Him my best. Thank you all for being faithful in reading and I will continue to pray for all of you!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 21

Today was a very good one and this weekend will be some very long days. I started reading a book I was given for my mentoring and it is truly an amazing book. I was unsure exactly what to expect but as I continued to read, I did not want to put it down. It is a very practical book that opens your eyes to things that may not seem very common but in reality they are some really prominent things. We like to think that those who are in leadership seldom struggle but the opposite is true. Our leaders are under a microscope and being that they are in position of influence, Satan wants to get to them in any way possible so that he can discredit them and the work of God. Satan knows that he cannot defeat God straight up, the only way he can see himself winning is by taking more of God's children away from him. I have realized that I cannot overcome stuff on my own and only with God's help am I able to win the battle day in and day out. I want what is best for me in this life and I feel like when I am chasing after God and the desires of His heart, I cannot go wrong. There are plenty of things that might happen to me as I do so but I know that He is watching over me and I will continue to prosper because of his promises to me and the kindness that he shows.

David says in Psalm 23, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. " The shadow of death can be many things in this life for us. The sin that hangs over us and the temptation we struggle with indicate that we are headed for destruction if we do not allow God to transform us. In the book I am reading, the author states that the battle basically is not in any other body part except for what is between your ears. We cannot just pray and magically expect to be freed from something. It is our job to allow God to transform our mind and as Paul states, "be transformed by the renewing of our minds." Our struggle to overcome is not just our own, it falls into the arms of God as he walks along side us. He honestly wants to help us but if we do not allow him to then he is limitless in what he can do because of the freewill that He has so graciously given us. I pray that as I continue my battle through the valley and head up the mountain, I would not fear the things that stand in my way because He is with me and He will never leave my side... He promised. The great thing about having an omnipresent God is that He is always around when you need him and He can still help the ones you love while He is attending to you. He is also there with your friends and those around you when you might be in the process of making a poor choice and He is tugging at their heart the same way that He does to yours. He finds a way to get our attention because YOU are a battle that He refuses to lose because of His great love for you.

I was tired last night too and did not finish the post I started... still slacking, I know. I need to be more disciplined if I want to achieve my goal of days and I need to stay focused when I post. Please pray for me regarding this issue and if you need prayer then please let me know. God is so awesome and I am thankful that He is helping me through this rough time in my life. Thanks again for being faithful and reading!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 20

Another eventful day here at North Central University. Had some good classes with good discussion and really enjoyed the discussion of family in my youth class. I also had a mentoring meeting that could not have gone any better. I feel like the next few weeks or so of mentoring will be a good discipline for me and will help me grow immensely. I have never had someone pushing me to grow in a certain area like this and hopefully I will grow in my understanding of the subject and will be able to apply it directly to my own life as well as my vocational possibilities. God has blessed me by giving me the last few weeks to really refocus and settle back into his word while at the same time recognizing my need for growth. I have been sidelined for a few weeks with an injury and let me just say that it is hard to be optimistic when nothing is ever changing. I wish I had the ability to alter the situation but I have to work through it and grow in every way that is possible. Too be disciplined is to never give up even when things are their toughest. I have tried to keep a level head through the years but always found myself desiring something else even when I struggled and could not figure things out. I am tired of just relying on God when I need something, finding my passion for him when I am doing well and just desire for his passion and heart is something I have definitely had trouble in finding the past and I feel like I am closer to that than I have ever been before. His understanding and care for me is so great and I would never even feel like I have a shot to prove myself to Him if it were not for HIm great love for me.

I have been questioning myself lately and am wondering why I do somethings the way I do. Am I always expecting something in return? Or do I have a servants heart and am I willing to allow God the opportunity to use me in whichever way he sees fit? I feel like I do not get recognized for some of the things I do but the personal satisfaction from helping someone out is much greater than anything I could ever receive from a person here on earth. I think that God has designed me to go the extra mile for people so that I can be a reflection of Him and not have to worry about why I am always the "servant". Unfortunately, I find myself looking for the recognition and I want people to say how great I am when it comes to anything in particular. I have a hard time humbling myself and accepting the status that I am currently under. God is watching me though and I know that He smiles the more I do the things that he has asked of me. Psalm 75:6-7 states, "No one from the east or the west or from the desert can exalt a man. But it is God who judges: He brings one down, he exalts another." The more that I seek God and the more I am obedient to the plans that He has set in place, I will see the benefits soon enough. I cannot get caught up in the moment and expect to see results immediately because that is selfish and reflects poorly on the values of Christ. If I continue to have a servant's heart then I will just recognize things as they happen to me because I will not be expecting anything in return, I will just feel good about helping those around me. I can use this on the field, in the classroom, at work, and just amongst my peers and family.

I hope you all had a good day, I am two-thirds of the way to my goal and I will continue to battle everyday to reach that goal. I will continue to pray for all of you and hope you are all doing well. I trust that God is working in all of you and I hope you are giving him the space to invest in your life. Thank all of you for reading!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 19

Today was a good day, I got barely any sleep but I feel like I got some stuff accomplished and I did not let myself become too distracted with everything that has been going on. There has been so much chaos in the last week with the baseball schedule up in the air, exams in classes, registering for classes, and just the normal NCU life, that I have been just battling to get through without being too tired and trying to stick to my goal of posting. Tonight was another one of those busy nights where just about anything could happen and a couple of us guys on the team decided to get haircuts with some unusual styles. I have realized that as I close out my college career I am running out of opportunities to just have some fun and be somewhat of a kid. Baseball is as close to being a kid that I get to be these days and it is the best feeling ever even at the age of 21. I could not ask for a better opportunity to play the game that I love the most. Sure there are bigger stages and high pressure situations but nothing compares to having a majority of your school personally asking someone on your team how you did. In the higher levels, everyone knows how you did and they do not really care to ask how you did or ask what type of game it was and I think that takes out some of the experience. I am so happy to be where I am at and I cannot wait to see where God takes me over the next year and one month. It is hard to believe that I am closing it all out next year but it just begins a new chapter and I will hopefully have grown immensely from the time I entered the university setting to the time I cross the stage with great honor from a university that I have had the chance to call home.

I would say one of my major struggles over the last two years has been just trusting God's will for my life and submitting myself to Him. The things that I want have been at the forefront of my mind and that is why I have found myself in a world of trouble. I wish I could say that I got through the battle without being wounded but I have definitely inflicted pain on myself unintentionally but I know that things are getting better. I am still recovering and the wounds take time to heal, I just need to remind myself that the scabs need to heal because if I reopen the wounds, I am opening myself up to infection and even more pain than before. If I can get on the same page with God on a daily basis then I have no doubt that my battle to overcome the struggle will become easier. The Spirit empowers us and gives us the tools to succeed in just about any way possible, I just need to trust that and rely on it in my daily life. Luke 24:22 states, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done." I have discussed the need to give everything to God and just allowing him to work and this verse is a great illustration of that. Jesus had the power to avoid giving up his life but when it came down to it, he did not see giving in or failure as an option. In our lives, we should carry the same mindset and allow God to work no matter how we feel or what is going on, our time is ultimately his time and it is our job to acknowledge that and let him use us as effectively as possible.

Thank you all for reading, God blesses those who are faithful. Please continue to keep me in prayer. I have heard from a few of you and I know God will continue to use us to reach out to each other. I hope you all had a good day.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 18

So I get that I may not always be the most wise person and I get that some of the stuff I post on here is not always reflected in my life right away. This is a process of growing and changing, it is a gradual process that will reflect some immediate changes and then fine-tuning that will bring it all together in the end. I am trying to listen to what others are saying around me so that I can be a reflection of the things I am trying to accomplish through my study of the word and pursuing God on a daily basis. I cannot stress enough that this blog is not for me to be recognized for the gains I am making in my spiritual walk (or lack thereof). It is more of a journal for me to refer to when times get tough and to see where I have come from as a personal benefit. If I am able to adhere to everything I post on here then that is an added bonus and hopefully some people will be touched by it. I am not a minister, I do not counsel people, and I do not claim to have it all figured out when it comes to being a Christian and being perfect. Some of the stuff on here is geared more towards where I want to be at in my life, not necessarily where I am at. I feel like I am growing and things are changing but that may not always be the case. I felt that when I was at K-State I made some huge gains but I negated that all through various choices after I stopped seeking God on a consistent basis and things just spiraled out of control for a long time. I have been a mess for quite some time and turning things around has been quite the process and still in the beginning stages, only time will tell how much things have changed or whether anything has changed.

The only way I am going to consistently progress towards my goals in Christ is if I am letting the Holy Spirit guide me. When I need motivation or I am failing at something, it is the Holy Spirit's wisdom and tugging on my heart that will enable me to stand firm and overcome whatever I am facing. I need to get myself into fervent prayer to have the Holy Spirit come lead me into His presence. I have been doing things just on goodwill and knowledge of the word without much guidance from the Spirit and that will not be able to last very long in this world. John 16:13-14 states, "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you" The Spirit is more than just a gift from God and it is not there to elevate our status as a Christian. We have been given such an awesome opportunity to have a personal counselor that lives inside us and leads us in the right direction when we are trying to take a wrong turn. I will admit that I ignore the Spirit some times if I even have it at all. I cannot help but doubt sometimes because of the choices that I have made in the past and the struggles I face. That is why I believe I need to be in prayer more and seeking the face of God on a daily process through just talking to him. I have talked about needing to be more in depth with my prayer time and it is something I have still failed to accomplish, I think I just need to block some time out of my evening and go into my room and pray behind closed doors and just see how God can work. I have nothing else to hold onto when it comes to being in the right state of mind and allowing God to work. I need to work harder to accomplish the goals I have set forth and only I can drive myself to get to that point with the work of the Spirit.

Thank you all for reading, I have been slacking recently and God needs more than just the end of my night, he deserves more from me. I am so glad I have people around me who are building me up constantly because without them I would be a mess. I think you people know who you are and I am so grateful for that. God is going to bless you for the investment that you have made in me and I hope you will continue to push me.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 17

So I know I am not perfect, I know that I have a history and I know that the things I do currently may not reflect a whole change. I make assumptions that everyone is on the same page as me and that is wrong. I put stuff on here and I give people a perception of me. Personally I do not care about the opinion that people have of me but when it comes to the things I represent, I do care about the perception and opinion that it reflects on those things (God, NCU, the baseball team, my family, and ultimately my friends). We all have a huge responsibility to represent certain people, institutions, or groups and the things we do and say all reflect either positively or negatively on those various groups. I do my best not to point fingers but I know that I do and I hurt people from time to time, I wish I could say that I have never done that but I have and I just have to strive everyday to avoid those situations. I really wish I could be a better example on a daily basis but I know that at the same time I need to grow and I am not at the level that I need to be at with Christ. I think that we are all inexperienced in certain areas and we need to help each other grow over certain things. I tend to have a bit of an ego in certain areas and I need to learn to humble myself a little more and let God come to the forefront. If I do things in his name then they need to positively reflect on him and his ideas for my life. I cannot continue to live in a destructive way and fall apart at the seams while God is tugging at me and trying to help me overcome certain things. There are issues that I need to clean up and people I need to be more respectful of otherwise I will just continue to crash and burn. Satan is trying to fall through the cracks right now and I have to keep looking to God to get through.

Luke 16:10 states, "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." I have had a hard time showing God that I can handle the small plate that he has given me and I have a long way to go to work my way up to some of the bigger things that he wants to hand down to me. He has put me in situations but I have messed them up and he just tells me that I need to pick it up and we will go at it again. He sees me working and maybe some of my logic or morals are a little messed up but when I get that lined up, I feel like God will be able to trust me with a little bit more. If I continue down the path that I am on, that is great but I need to continue to get better at what I am doing now so that I can grow and be flawless in this area in the next 5-10 years. Only I can change the decisions I make and the perception I give off. Ultimately we can not even try to follow the will of God or we can give ourselves to his cause and hit some speed bumps along the way. Find out which road you are taking and sell yourself out to it, I hope you choose the road that leads to Christ. It is better to struggle early and recover than it is to think you are headed down the right road but never attain what you are truly looking for.

I hope you all had a good day. Mine was pretty hectic but I tried to get this thing up in time. I fell asleep trying to rest a bit as I was posting and instead of 1:30 A.M, this is getting posted at 6 something. Thank you all for your continued support and readership, it is greatly appreciated!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 16

Today was an interesting day and it was also a good day. I found out just what my limits are but I also know that I need to continue to get stronger. I cannot just become content with where I am at right now or I will fall back into the same things I was in. Sometimes you need a little test to see where you are at and I know that I still have quite a way to go. I thought I was good and that nothing could come stand between me and my vision but I had a good awakening today without messing up. I learned before my mistake and I was able to overcome a bad situation that I had essentially put myself in. I am tired of failure and will not accept it anymore. I will continue to fight and I will find a way to win the battle daily. Satan thinks he can destroy me but God has bigger and better plans, he will lead me into his arms on a daily basis and tell me that he loves me and wants me to have the desires of my heart. I still understand my need for his word and I will not back down or away from it as I continue to move through the weeks of posting and chasing after him. I have come too far and have been through too much heartache to fall apart at this stage. God is going to use me for something great and I am not willing to screw that up. He has placed me in a good position over the last few weeks and I am going to take advantage of it, I have let things fall apart too often and I am not willing to let this turn to dust. I am going to continue to mold the situation with his help and I am going to turn it into a masterpiece.

I have talked about giving God control and needing to desire what his heart desires but in order to give him control, he needs to be able to shape me into the person I want to be. I cannot just take orders if I am not prepared for a certain task. The countless hours put into making the perfect pot is just preparation for what it is going to hold and the role it is going to assume. If you leave a small hole in a vase and it is not complete, all the water will leak out and the flowers inside will die very quickly. In the same way, we cannot take people under our wing and we cannot carry out our duty as followers of Christ if we have holes in our life that are allowing the Spirit to leak out of us until we are spiritually dry. Isaiah 64:8 states, Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." People say that God does not make mistakes when it comes to people but sometimes the clay can be a little tough to work with and it is not always able to be shaped very well. The potter has to keep working with it to make it right but eventually the clay will get tough and old and is no longer usable. We must be careful that we are not stubborn and prevent God from working through us because he wants us to be used for his Kingdom and his glory. If we offer ourselves unto him, then we cannot be deemed useless or worthless.

I hope you all had a great day, back to the grind of the week again tomorrow. Not many weeks left in the semester, it is time to start pumping some projects out! Please continue to pray for me as I will need it over the next two weeks or so for sure.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson