I don't...

Well it has pretty much been a whole semester since I last posted on here and it has been an eventful one to say the least. I do not know where my heart or mind has been. I have been focused on school, socializing, and mixing some baseball in wherever I can. When the semester started, I had the whole year laid out and was ready to graduate in May on what would be the best day of my life to date. Needless to say, God has shaped me and done his best to convince me of a better plan for my life. I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing in six months but I know that I want to continue to be a better person and I want to continue to strive for things that are not of this world. Over the last three years, I have convinced myself that there are certain things I am not good enough to accomplish and I let that affect the person that I was becoming. I kept digging myself a grave and I was okay with that. I tried to post on here so that I could try to straighten things out from time to time but I would only do it long enough to make myself feel better about myself and then I would once again move on. I hurt myself and countless other people time and time again but it never really affected me because I could just move on and convince myself that I was okay. I left scars in myself and other people and I do not know that I have even reflected on all of them yet. I do know that I am ready to leave the past behind and look to what the future holds. 


God has blessed me immensely even when I have been unfaithful. He keeps me on my feet and has put people around me that tell me to keep pressing on. I have resolved to clean things up in many areas of my life. I vaguely remember posting something like this over the summer but this time I am going to make a valiant effort. I realized the other day that when I call out to God when I am in need, it is not just because people are watching and I want to look good. I am usually alone and am desperate but not quite desperate enough to make a change. I know I have tested his patience time and time again but he has remained faithful to me. Paul encourages us not to go on sinning so that grace may increase and at times I feel like I have completely ignored that warning. Our sacrifice has already been made and if we choose to accept that someone has taken our place, then we will have freedom. We need to exercise our freedom in Christ, not in the world and what it has to offer. God has given us and will give us more than we could ask or imagine, we need to step up and take it. I need to step up and take it. I have been thinking a lot about the future lately and for the most part it is uncertain. Where I will be in just 4 short months or so, I have no idea, what I hope to have accomplished by then is the relationship that God has been yearning for ever since I told him that I wanted to be his. If I can attain to even half of what I already have in God, I would be excited but not content, I need more and more.  


I hope that I can share my journey with whoever reads this, I hope to show that God has changed my mind more than my heart because my mind is what is driving me away. Maybe it is my heart and I do not know it but I really feel that it is my mind because my heart aches for God. Thanks for all who have supported me and I know that God will bless you even more than he has blessed me. Hope you all have a great day!


God Bless,
Joseph Robinson