Day 37

God is teaching me patience right now and I must say it has been amazingly tough. In just about every aspect of my life or just anything I do, I have to try and take things slow and when I try to rush I end up making mistakes. I have completely put myself in position to learn some valuable lessons and I am trying to persevere through some of these tougher times and I hope that I can continue to wait and just see where things go. My wrist injury has been slow and nagging and I jammed a few fingers today in the first inning of the second game. I wish things were easier in some areas but I need to learn from certain things and I need to continue to seek God in spite of everything I am facing. One thing has remained constant over the last few months and that is God. My family has been a huge influence and has been there for me but I know that God is always going to be right there pushing me and building me up even when I am struggling to glorify Him on a daily basis. I have never experienced his love in the way that I have over the last several weeks or so and I am so grateful for the opportunity to give back to Him daily. I still need to be more intentional with him as well as relational. I am trying to learn stuff but I am not talking to Him much and I am definitely not listening for His voice as well as I could be and I know that needs to change if I want to be completely successful.

Proverbs 16:32 states, "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." Patience comes in many different forms and situations. It can apply to temper or it can apply to just waiting for something to come to you. I can relate to needing growth in both areas and I am doing my best to understand this concept and allow for something to flourish. I am working towards it and learning some concepts that I can apply and I am trying to push myself to new levels. It may take awhile and I might hurt some people along the way because of the way I have done things in the past but ultimately I need to reach the goal I have set before me and achieving it will not be a very easy road. God has blessed me immensely with the people that are around me and as a leader I know that I have failed in more ways than one. I am trying to figure this leader thing out because it does not seem to be working and I feel like I might be the wrong person for the job the more that I think about it. I know this is contradictory to one of my posts from last week but I do not seem to be getting anywhere and I feel like I could do more without being a "leader" and I would not have people taking things out of context or just going against me as much. I could be wrong but those are just my thoughts.

I hope you all have a good night and I hope that God is continuing to bless you and reach out his hand to you. Please pray for my fingers and for my wrist. The list gets longer and longer each passing day but God CAN handle all of it.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 36

My sister leaves tomorrow and that is kind of sad. Additionally, I have a game tomorrow and am not even able to take her to the airport. I wish I could see her off and get to spend time with her before she leaves but that is okay. I have had a really great time with her and as I said yesterday, I am so blessed to have had her around for a few days and she is extremely encouraging to me. I know when things are really working for me and I am still battling to stay on track and have the impacts of the last few weeks continue to be a huge influence on me. I have struggled a few days but overall I am making progress and I need to continue to use the good days as incentive to keep pressing on and ultimately I need to continue to keep my eyes on God and his purpose rather than just not screwing up. I am learning so much and trying to apply all of it and sometimes it is difficult but that is part of maturing and finding my place in God's plan for me. My attitude determines my choices and my choices determine my character. If I remain positive when it comes to my Christian walk and I do not become pessimistic about my daily choices, I can be successful and I can carry myself with a strong stature from day to day. I need to continue to push myself to be the best that I can be and with that I will learn just what is important and what I NEED rather than what I WANT and I will only take hold of the things that I need.

Proverbs 19:20 states exactly what I need to be living out right now, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." We cannot just hear people's advice and we cannot just receive instruction and expect things to be all better. It is our job to listen and process as well as accept what people are saying to us so that we can apply our instruction to our daily lives. We cannot just walk through life and expect everything to be handed to us on a silver platter and we cannot just assume that because we read or hear something we will be all better. I have wasted so much time in classes because I am there and listening but I am not processing what I am hearing and it does me no good. I might as well just spend my time reading the book or something constructive that has my attention otherwise I will be unable to actually learn anything and expand my knowledge of a topic. I do not want to waste my time with God or God's time because one thing that I know that bothers him is when I waste his time do not produce any fruit from what He has set out for me. I know what I am capable of and I am going to continue to strive for the strength that He has available for me.

Thank you to those of you who are reading and praying of me. God will reward you for your faithfulness. Please continue to pray for me and I will be praying for all of you.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Day 35

Well the push for the end of the semester has arrived and we have three weeks left until finals. It is hard to believe that this school year is almost over but time flies when you are having a good time and finding ways to fill your time. I have not quite gotten every day but when I spend time with God I have found that my day just goes a lot smoother. That usually translates into the day after the night that I post because I have prepared my heart and I think about the next day's post throughout the next day. I have been faced with many choices since I have been here and just in the past few days I have made some decisions that I think will be extremely beneficial for my growth in Christ and just as a person in general. I am trying a different way of doing some things and I am just trying to show myself how I can prioritize and organize things that need to be taken care of immediately in my life versus things that need some time to develop and see where they are going. With people around me who want me to succeed and with the Spirit's guidance, I know that I can be stronger than I have been in previous weeks or months and that the peace I receive from it will be exactly what I have been searching for. Usually when I look for my success "certificate" or something like that, I usually end up making a mistake or something because I am trying to find validation or show myself that I am different and I am not quite ready for a leap that huge yet. I need to continue to take baby steps that allow me to grow into something. I try to jump in the deep end but I have not even learned how to swim in the shallow end yet and I cal stay up for a bit but as I begin to sink I need someone to come grab me or else I will continue to be overcome and I will lose the struggle.

One area in which I need to grow is just being a good listener and being completely obedient to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I pray for guidance all the time and I desire it but when it comes down to it, I really struggle with making the right decision when it comes to that tugging on my Spirit as to what is right and wrong. I can and do make the right decision frequently but I know that it can go either way and I am not 100% dedicated to following the Spirit. I know things would be a lot easier if I could convince myself that Spirit guidance is never going to fail me and if I could overcome my mind telling me that the Spirit is withholding something from me. There is no rationale for disobeying the guidance of the Spirit other than the fact that I am human, selfish, and greedy. I get in the habit of convincing myself that my decision is not really hurting me all that much or that I can recover rather quickly and I am just lying to myself and destroying a lot of hard work I have put into overcoming certain struggles. I am not afraid of the good that could come from my obedience and faithfulness but in some ways I am still trying to cling to the things that have gotten me into trouble but have temporarily not failed me so much. The thing is that God has never failed me, I have failed God countless times, the things of this world that I cling to are minute and show weakness, they entice me because of their accessibility but that is a lame argument because God is just as easily accessible and provides more joy and happiness than anything that the world can or does provide me. Proverbs 29:15 states, "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." I am right in the middle of this right now and I hope to continue learning from the situation I am in and I do not want to make the same mistakes that got me here in the first place. The discipline that I have received is making me stronger but I need to be careful not to become too prideful about my progress or I am setting myself up to fail again because I feel like I am a better person and I think to myself that it cannot happen again but really I am more susceptible to failing and it being a bigger deal.

I start to feel convicted now when I do not post and though I did not post before bed, I feel like I woke up in the middle of the night so that I could post and I took the opportunity without deciding to just forget it. Thank you to those of you who are reading and commenting or encouraging me, it really means a lot. Please continue to pray for me!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson