Overkill

This week has been full of emotions but I know that I am coming out of it stronger than I thought I was going to and I am overjoyed by that. If you asked me last weekend where I would be at in a week, I would have said that I would still be hooked but I can say with confidence that I am allowing God to push me through this trial and He is helping me stand up under it. I have poured so much time and effort into something and not seen a very rewarding return, but God did the same for his creation and He does not always get pleasure or joy because of it. We think sometimes that we are the only ones who have had to deal with the specific problem that we have but in most cases that is not true and somebody has gone through that. I think that mentally and physically today was rough because I had a feeling that someone was going to roll their ankle on one of the bases and sure enough it was me about 4 innings later. This could be attributed to the long week of games or just my worry about it happening to someone, but I do not know for sure. I can feel God strengthening me every day and I know that he will continue to use me in the ways that He sees fit so I will continue to be open to whatever He has. I know He has something special for me in the future and I know that I will be so happy when God brings that person into my life and I want to be ready to receive that person and continue to pursue God wholeheartedly at the same time. I do not like being lackluster for a long period of time and then in times of turmoil, begin to get after it again, I need to always be willing and I need to be prepared.

Ecclesiastes 7:15-16 states, "Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy, but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future." I have been trying so hard to fix things and move on to whatever is next but the truth is that it is nothing I should be concerned about because it is all in God's hands. I need to trust him and know that he will do what he has planned for me. Times had been good and I was happy but now the scenario is different and I need to just relax and step back to let God work in my life. Being patient is so rewarding and God will show us just what we need to see as we continue to remain faithful to him and the plans that he is carrying out in our lives. Over the next few weeks and months the healing process will be complete and I will carry on in the Lord as I have done in the past and I will be stronger because of the trial that I am coming out of. Nothing can come against me and win as long as I stand next to Christ and do not move. Sure I have an idea for what I want to happen over the next few weeks and months but it is not something that I should be concerned about because it is all in God's hands and he knows exactly where I need to be in order to reach my full potential and that is why he is going to bring me through this. I am so glad that I am getting back into this blog and giving time to God because I already see the benefits and know that I will be able to stand firm when I start to desire things of the world again. Let us see where all of this goes and see what the future holds exactly.

Hope all of you had a great Friday and that you are seeing God at work in different areas of your life, continue to seek him. Please continue to pray for me as I will continue to pray for you, let me know if you have any requests you would like me to take to the Lord for you.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Don't Look Back

If there is one thing I have learned over the years, it is do not look back when it comes to making an important decision. The minute you start to second guess yourself, things that you wanted to let go of start coming back. Last night I said I left some stuff on the altar and I did not look back nor did I really want to. I am sick of going through the process of moving on from things and then letting them linger in my life and continue to cause problems. A lot of time we do this with sin because we just think "one more time will not hurt." The problem with this is that just one more time becomes a habit of thinking and then the problem becomes worse than it was before you decided to make a correction. When we pursue things, we have to work at it and make sure that the past does not continue to bite us and that is definitely something God can help us with. Commentators of football games always say that a Quarterback has to have a short memory after he had a bad series or throws an interception, the same is true for us as Christians in that when we mess up we need to have a short memory, especially when we decide to change a lifestyle. Recovering is one of the toughest things to do and God knows that, I think it is precisely why he forgives us instantly when we repent because he cannot let it linger in his mind as well because it does frustrate him as it should for us. There will come a time to look back on life and on the things that affected you but not right away, one needs to let things settle down first and make sure they no longer have the same affect that they used to. When we let this happen, God will provide us a way to stand up under it and nothing will be able to defeat us. Satan uses our mistakes and our human minds against us because he knows we are weak by ourselves but with God we are made new and we no longer have to let any of that bother us. I have determined that it is time for me to look ahead with no distractions, going through the healing process, grow closer to God, and ultimately look for a new direction and person who will impact my life in a huge way.

Proverbs 4: 25-27 states, "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left, keep your foot from evil." This is exactly my aim right now and is something I forgot 13 months ago when I started to push myself in the direction of self-destruction. I need to be on the same page with God in and out of relationships because he sustains all things by his powerful word and I know that he will not accept anything less from me. Everything he does is seen to completion and I know that he will continue to use me in the ways that he sees fit, therefore, I have nothing to worry about as long as I keep this in mind. Sure I am broken and bruised, but I am still capable and willing and to God, that is all that matters. I am sure there are many of you who read this that feel that you are not good enough or that you are just in too many pieces, but know that God can and will put you back together IF you let him. That is a lesson that has taken me a little over a month to learn but I know that I will be okay now and I am ready to continue on the firm path that he has laid out before me. A new journey has begun and I am definitely not in the quitting business, you are either with me or you are behind me because I cannot have anything hold me down, that is a lesson a should have put into effect a long time ago but I blinded myself in order to justify things. Please hold me accountable to this as I believe it is something we all struggle with to an extent. If you need me to do the same for you, I will certainly be willing.

If you need prayer, let me know. Please keep praying for me and seeking after God in all that you do.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Letting Go

I have spent the last 14 months in a rut, always trying to be better but never allowing God to do work in my life. I wanted to be better but I just kept using my own strength and I kept failing. I made poor decisions and hurt myself deeply but the past is the past and it is time to move on. When something is holding you back from going in the direction that you truly want to go, you need to let it go and just stay focused on the most important thing in life. People will cut you up and tear you down but God will always remain constant even when we run. It cannot always be a waiting game with people on earth, if they split from you then you just count your losses and move on. We should be glad that God does not do the same with us, otherwise we would be in the deepest trouble that we could ever imagine. I have spent so much time in over my head and forgotten why I am here at North Central University, I have been blinded to it the whole time and it ends tonight. I sat in PG tonight and realized what I had done today (Classes, Baseball, Homework, Worship). I am just like every other student here except for I got to do the one thing I love in between what most students here would do on a normal Wednesday. I went from being an athlete for my school to being just another face in the crowd worshiping God for who He is and what He has done in me. It is when we realize that we are no different from others, that we begin to see just how much we have to do and exactly what we have to do. I could not believe this realization because I just was in awe that I had not thought of it before. I am always trying to solve other people's problems that I forget about my own and the problems of mine that I have tried to fix in the past 13 months have been ones that I did not truly want to fix in my heart because of selfishness and deceit on the end of Satan. What difference does it make if you made a mistake? Learn from it and move on, that is the only way that you will get stronger and not repeat the same problems. I left it all on the altar tonight and I am content with moving on. I have been walked on for too long and I refuse to let it happen anymore. I am chasing my dreams and going after what I have been called to do, if you do not like it then too bad because it is my life and it is God's plan for me. I have been a leader on the field and off the field but in my personal life I have slipped and it is not fair to my teammates or to my coaches who have trusted me to be a fully devoted man of God and for that, I am sorry.

2nd Corinthians 5-11 states, "If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent -- not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient enough for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven -- if there was anything to forgive -- I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." I need forgiveness not just from God but from those around me for being foolish. I have tried to be corrective in my nature but I have just been unable to do it and I want to do everything I can to make things right. Please understand where I am at and help me through this difficult time. Only God can heal wounds and I know that he has begun to do so. I am eager to chase after him with more than I have been able to and I am excited to see where it leads me. I think he is beginning to open up paths to me but we will see where it leads over the next several years, only God knows and he is in control.

Please continue to pray for me and I will continue to pray for all of you, please let me know if there is anything specific that you might need. Keep seeking him daily!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Refreshed

Today, I spent some time thinking and I went and talked to someone about what has been going on in my life and just how things have been since I have been at NCU. After about a 45 minute talk, I had been told that I needed to get back to where I first had God speaking to me about coming to North Central and actually just where God had started speaking to me since I graduated from high school. I immediately knew where that was and I'm sure as most of you who read this would know, it is right here posting and contemplating scripture and seeking God with everything that I am. During my second semester at State, I got sidetracked just about the beginning of February and things went out of control from there. My decision making ability went out the window because I was trying to do it all on my own and it cause some major disturbances in my life. I spent a year with an amazing girl until it all ended abruptly but I know that when I get back to the source of my strength and the person who gave me the passion to love the way I did, then I can understand why everything happened the way it did and see what God has planned for me in the coming months and years. I've had a mix of emotions over the last two weeks and stability is something that I have been longing for. I feel that this blog is what gave and will give me the stability that I need and it will keep me on the right track as it did when I first started. Just as I need to with God and any earthly relationships, I have to always remain faithful to the blog and just dedicating time to God each day. I know I gave credit to the person I talked to today, but I also have to credit a good friend for telling me something similar last night. I think today was an affirmation of what I need to do in order to stay focused and straighten out the problems I have in some of my relationships and my spiritual life. I have been seeking God but have been looking in the wrong places and then just outright been disobedient in some cases and I believe that hurt me individually as well as the relationship I was just in. Maybe some time apart and realigning of some things will fix most of the problems and get us back on the right track, maybe not, only God knows and only his plan will come to be.

I do know that God has a special calling on me and I know that I need to pursue it more than I have. In a sense I have been in a spiritual comatose for the last 13 months, not just going through the motions but actually just being totally oblivious to what was going on around me. I prayed and read and sought after God but something was missing and I just could not get myself to buy into what I was doing or my ways of thinking. Total chaos ensued and it showed from the minute I showed up to NCU. I started blaming problems on other things which led to unneeded arguments and one might say some maturity issues but it was not a matter of maturity, rather the state I was in made it appear that way because of my actions. No one person can truly be perfect or grown up but we do our best everyday to live up to the standards in which we are held. I guess for some people that might be different but then when there is a clash, then there can be a new standard that is created. Just think if everywhere we went, it was the other person's way of doing things and you had no say, it would be worthless for you. When matters are discussed and solutions are proposed, then we start to see unity and love come together to produce something inseparable. God intended for us to mix, which is why we are each unique, we possess different traits and views because it starts to make things perfect, though they will never be completely perfect. God set us up to be made perfect in his eyes and when we come together with another one of his perfect creations, then he smiles because his plans are falling into place.

"Watch and pray so that you do not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Mark 14:38. I have used this several times but I have not done a very good job at upholding my end of the bargain when it comes to this. I know what I need to do, it is a matter of doing it.

I hope to keep this going (I need it). Please pray for me, if you have something you need prayer for let me know.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson