Remember

I spent the first half of my summer moving on from a past relationship and as much as it hurt, I found out that it was possible and that I was better off in the end. I hurt myself so much over the last few years and tore down some of the structures that had been put into place for my protection and enjoyment. I wish that I had been more obedient and not made such a fool of myself but we make mistakes and we move on. As much as I try to beat myself into the ground because of it, God has placed people in my life to tell me that it will be okay and that I have left scars but those who love you will see the scars and feel remorse rather than condemn. Life is a lot easier when you follow the rules even though it seems easier to break them. I find so much joy in worshipping God outside of church and I wish I could let him use me every second of everyday but I still have not found it in myself to give him that type of authority in my life. The sooner I do it, the more likely I will be to succeed in all areas and I will make life easier for myself as well as those that I come into contact with. I am tired of feeling like everything I do leads to problems for myself and those around me. I know I am not a failure and I know that I do not cause problems but when you are constantly screwing up, it seems like you have no other option but to believe that. It is amazing how long it can take to change when you know something to be true. Why would you know the truth and believe it but not let it make a difference in who you are and what you do? You can sit on the most precious gift of all and look for joy in other places because you are too afraid to open what you have an see what it can do for you. Listening to your heart is the best thing you can do but the toughest part is finding a way to hear it because your brain likes to mix the signals and tell you other stuff. This leads to going down the wrong road because you cannot find what you truly desire. I believe that most people who do not know Christ only go down the wrong road because they do not know what they truly desire, they have an idea but what their brain tells them is not the truth they are looking for.

Romans 13 talks about loving for the end is near and how we need to be prepared for the times ahead because it is uncertain how much time is really left for us all around here. Nobody knows what tomorrow brings and too many times we dwell on what we expect to come rather than where we are now. Chapter 13 verse 11 picks up saying, "And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed The night is nearly over, the day is almost here. So let us push aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Now is not the time to sleepwalk for Christ and think about yourself as I said last night, we must be actively seeking His kingdom and seek to increase the numbers in His kingdom. The last verse really resonates with me in that it says do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Too many times i try to figure out how to get away with sin or I just think that I am good because I have not sinned in awhile and grace can increase for me. The opposite is true, the bible asks if we should continue to sin so that grace may increase and the answer is, "absolutely not!" I wish I were perfect but all I can do is continue to work at being the best I can so that I can continue to help those that I come into contact with. I cannot live a completely blameless life but I can do my best to follow everything that God has commanded me. If I am able to do all those things, then I will know that I have lived life to the fullest and that I have no regrets to fall back on. I sit here and think about where I have been and where I am going and all I can do is remember what Christ did for me and try to think of what I have done for him lately.

I hope you all have a good rest of the weekend. I am continuing to pray for all of you and I will do my best to keep posting daily because I really am encouraged by this blog and I hope that you are too. Please leave a comment or question if you have one because I really would like some feedback and be able to talk to people about this.

God bless,

Joseph Robinson

Ending

Well, it has been a long summer but it seems like it flew by. God has revealed things to me this summer and I am trying to work at them each and every day. He has taught me to be patient and that even when things seem like the end of the world, you will get through them on the right side of the equation. I have seen the path I have chosen based on my decisions and I know that it is going to be a real tough one. Then again, I have always chosen the tough road. I transfered after my Sophomore year in high school to make a better opportunity for myself, I moved out of state for college when I could have saved money by staying in state, I transfered after my freshman year to chase someone and to play a sport even though I found that it did not make me as happy as I thought, I made poor decisions for about 9 months from last July until April of this spring, and I spent the summer away from anyone and everyone that I knew pretty much. If I can say one thing, it is that I like to test myself and see where it leads me. I spent much of my summer busy and filling the rest of my time with pointless games and trips to six flags but I also met people who have impacted me and made me want to further myself with Christ because they see something more inside of me than I already am. I think I have said this before but the impact you have on people's life means a lot more than what you do for yourself no matter how great you think you are. In our walk with Christ, we focus too much on ourselves and saving ourselves that we leave others out in the cold. I watch To Save A Life a couple times in the past week and in the movie one of the characters named Jake asks in reference to God and church, "What is the point of all of this if you are not going to let it change you." Do we just go to church to say that we have done our good deed for the week or are we letting it transform us and are we letting our personal time with God transform us. Are the people we are closest to dying in front of our very eyes while we are caught up in ourselves and whether we are okay? I wish I could say that I am always reaching out to those around me and my friends who are dying because I care but in reality I feel like I am too big of a screw up to help them. It is not my job to help them, it is my job to point them to the answers so they can figure it out for themselves. I have to tell them that I am not perfect and that I struggle just as they do but I am willing to try and cast that aside and let Christ pick me up because of the price that he paid for me. I said today, progress is not perfection, it is working toward being the best that I could ever be."

Romans 10:14-15 states, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!' " God understands everything that we face and he wants to help us move past being all about ourselves so he provides a way for us to share his word with people. He knows people are going to view us as hypocrites but that is because they are too ignorant to understand what it means to be a Christian. In Titus 2:7-8 we are told, "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." We have to believe the things we tell people otherwise they are going to think we are crazy to expect them to follow it. We all make mistakes and I do not believe that people should only listen if you "practice what you preach" especially when it comes to the bible because it is not you telling them to do something because you set the rules, it is you informing them of the rules that God has set forth and just because you do not follow them does not mean that nobody does. Once again if you are actively pursuing what God has and you are moving away from a certain lifestyle that is one thing but if you are complacent with living in sin and still try to preach against it, then you are in the wrong and you need to find yourself on one side of the argument quickly. It is not all about reputation so to speak, its about doing what is good for others and reaching out to those in need. If there is one thing I have learned this summer, it is that I need to continue working at things myself but I need to be reaching out to those who might not be as fortunate as me or might need someone to just care about them. I will not be perfect at this but I want to improve and I am going to be working at it this year because I feel that reputation is too much of a cop out for people just because they want to be perceived as "normal" or the best.

I am going to try and stay up to date with the blog but as you all see I am more sporadic than I used to be. I need to make this more of my regular routine with Christ and praying before and after I post. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to leave them. Pray for me as I am praying for those of you whom I know read this. May God continue to lead you and bless you everyday.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson