Day 34

I am loving getting to spend some time with my sister and I would not trade the past couple days with her for anything else since I have been here at NCU. She is so encouraging and uplifting to me and I know I can go to her whenever I need to have something resolved. I have been a terrible brother and have not really returned the favor of spending good time with her though and I feel like I have neglected her somewhat. Everything just seems like a mess from time to time and I go through vicious cycles where I have everything organized and going great and then other times everything is pure chaos and falling apart. I feel like I am moving back into one of those chaotic points where I do not have any sort of handle on things and I tend to get upset rather easily and it really bothers me. I need to control it though and find a way to break the cycle so that I can continue to grow and not fall down again. This spiritual battle is a tough one and it is a long struggle that I am going to win and everyday I need to continue to remind myself of that because as soon as I let my guard down, my mind wants to control everything I do rather than the Spirit that lives inside of me. I have battled and do not want to be setback by anything that could make me stumble but for that to happen I need to keep myself out of situations where I can make a mistake and really hurt myself and the progress that has been made.

God is doing some reconstruction in my life and before I try to take over the project, I need to let him finish some more work or everything will just get messed up again. I am still on the fence of breaking some old habits and the next few days and weeks are critical in the process of moving on and trying to mature as a Christian. I have to stay focused and keep people around me who will support me and look out for me as much as possible. I know that I get in trouble when I isolate myself and keep things to myself and I need to avoid that as much as possible. There is strength in numbers in many different ways for me and when it comes to avoiding certain temptations, they can be my greatest defense. I hate giving myself the opportunity to dispel any good that is around me and I think that the attack I came under a few weeks ago was a result of that. The demon that came against me thinks he has gotten the upper hand but he is sadly mistaken and he will see that nothing will get me to back down from where I have been. Nehemiah 2:17 states, "Then I said to them, 'You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace." I have been disgraced and I may not have a good name publicly. However, I had better learned my lesson from that or I am going to find myself in places that I do not want to be and in more trouble than I could imagine. This critical point will pass and I will move into more serious stages but for now I need to focus on the task at hand.

I know I missed a couple of days but it has been a long couple of weeks and days. They have been busy and a lot of things have been pulling me away. I have been battling and it is easy to just say, "I will post tomorrow" and push it off to the next day and the next day but I assure you that this will not be happening. Thank you for those of you who have told me that you missed my posts, it means a lot! I am praying for all of you!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson