Holding On

I have found myself at the end of the rope and wanting to just cave into the ways of the world for good because it can be a much easier path. I always seem to find my way back into the word and will not walk away from Christ because something has been instilled in me. God tugs at my heart because he knows that I am just another person struggling through the ways of the world but my desire is for him alone. I have a very hard time committing to the ways that God has called me to and a lot of that has to do with the life choices I have made regarding my schooling, what I wanted to major in, and just how I planned things out for myself. I get so frustrated that I start blaming people around me for why everything is crashing down around me when really it is my fault to begin with. I cannot completely harden my heart towards these people or towards God because I know deep down that I am the cause of most of my problems. I drive myself into the dark alley knowing that there is trouble at every corner in there and I find myself always looking for a way out. I could be in many different places right now and I could be having a great time as well as looking forward to the coming school year. I am now in the third year of what I have viewed as a "mistake" and I find myself counting the months and pretty soon the days until I graduate and hopefully avoid Minneapolis all together after I graduate. I tried taking a different approach into last year and I crashed and burned rather quickly, I had a miserable school year mostly because of the decisions I made as a whole. There is hope however and I have one last chance to turn this around before I look back on the last three years of college as possibly my most hated and most forgettable years of my life. I love the Christian atmosphere at NCU but the small, tight campus is just not my style and it frustrates me on a daily basis. I wish I had more options, I wish there were more to do and I wish I had somewhere where I could actually get better at baseball. I wish for a lot of things but I am only able to take ahold of the opportunities and chances I have in front of me so I am going to try and actually make that happen this year.

Scripture is something that can be instilled in your heart and I believe that whether you know it or not, it can have a profound impact on your life on a daily basis. I studied Hebrews when I was a freshman in high school and I think that I have stored some stuff in my heart that will last a lifetime. Hebrews 3:12 states, "See to it brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first." I think this has been something that has kept me on track through the years because I know that I could never turn fully away from God. I unfortunately have bumps in the road and I need to limit those, especially the ones which really damage any work I could do for Christ, and I need to keep working toward the goals that God has set before me. I wish life were easy and I wish I could say that I knew I would be okay and that I would not mess up again. I really hope that is true and I want to be able to stand up in front of my friends and family and say that I put forth my best effort day in and day out (as I do on the baseball field). I have worked hard to be in good positions but I usually find my way out of those because of fear or just a lack of confidence in my ability. Israel had so many opportunities but they squandered them and they rebelled against God some of the generations were even told they would not even be able to find the promised land because of their disobedience! I feel like I still have time to turn things around and I pray that I will continue to utilize the resources I have around me so that I can grow closer to God everyday and find my way through the narrow gate. I pray that none of you will ever walk away from God and if you have not yet found what you are looking for, that you would be blessed and one day make a commitment to God that you will follow him and accept Christ as your savior. Do not go to bed another night with a hardened heart because you never know when your last night or day may be.

Thank you all for reading and please continue to pray for myself as well as others around you. God is continuing to do great things among his body and we need to make sure that we are all apart of it. If you enjoy these posts, feel free to recommend them to your friends or family and see what they think. Hopefully it is at least an encouragement if nothing else and maybe you can benefit in some ways from it.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson