Hurt

I do not know if I can go through a day without my heart being heavy for someone. Whenever I hear about a situation or think about a person who I know is dealing with stuff, I just think about the circumstances surrounding it all and wish I could do something. Most of the time I just feel helpless because I am not in prayer enough or my walk is not close enough to God for me to hear his voice and be able to impart wisdom on a person. I wish there were more I could do but I know that when the time is right, I will be able to do exactly what I am supposed to do. When I stumble I know I am not just affecting myself but those around me. As I stated last night, it appears that some people look to me as an example and what I do tends to give people a reason to validate their actions whether they act or do not act in a certain way. Sometimes I feel like it is a joke or that people are not serious and I feel like some of the time it is but other times I know that what I do or do not do really affects other people. I think for most of us we think that we have no influence on people but in the grand scheme of things we have more of an impact than we could ever think or imagine. Even the little things we do affect how people view us and how they might act just because of that. I cannot help but think that in most cases I hurt people more than I help them and it is painful to think that because the only way I can change things is by being more responsible in my own life. I am not saying that I am solely responsible for other people's actions but I do know that I can push them one way or another and most of the time it is not always in the best way. I have hurt people and in some cases not done anything which has resulted in letting people get away and do whatever they would like. An apology is not really sufficient to mend the situation but I am sorry and I hope that these people will give me another chance to be a better example and have a positive impact. The truth is that when we sin whether publicly or in private, it will affect others because sin is cancerous when it has the right environment to spread.

I used a verse a couple of weeks ago but I think it illustrates the point very well, Mark 9:42 states, " 'And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.' " A direct quote from Jesus regarding this matter definitely is a big deal. I do not want to responsible for other people's shortcomings or for not sharing the Gospel in an appropriate way with them. I know there have been situations where I have caused people to sin but I think those are far outweighed by the times where I have allowed people to sin and not even tried to do anything about it. I am not talking about just telling someone they are clearly in the wrong but I am talking about setting an example of not doing something and then explaining why it is so. A lot of times people ask me why I do not do something and its not because I am a good moral person or because I just do not want to (which is usually my answer). It is because I believe in something greater, I believe that my savior came to earth and died for me and the way I can give back to him is by obeying his commands and those actions or that lifestyle does not line up with those commands. I sit by and be the silent killer of so many people that I cannot help but have a heavy heart everyday. If I made more of a positive impact on people, I know that those thoughts and feelings would far outweigh the sorrow and the burdens of others but until then I will keep looking to the Lord to get me through the day and hopefully turn some of this around.

I hope that all of you are doing well and I will continue to pray for those who read and those whom I wish would read this. Hopefully these will become a little more regular but for now we will just see where it goes.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Conflict

A few weeks ago I sat down with someone and I asked them what was one of the toughest challenges they have faced in regards to being a leader and what is something that you have to learn to do in order to be effective. I was told that learning to handle conflict is very tough and if it is done correctly it can be rather beneficial. Most people are afraid of conflict and in some ways people think that it always leads to more problems. Sometimes this is the case but I think this is because we go about things all wrong when it comes to confronting people or trying to resolve a situation. It is hard to go face to face with someone and tell them that you think they are wrong or that something needs to change. Nobody wants to be hated by another person and nobody wants to push people away just because of something they said to them. Conflict is a very scary thing and it can be very frustrating at times because in some cases your intention is to avoid a big situation but you accidently say or do something that sets somebody off. I tend to do this sometimes just because of the way I address things or because of my tone or just how I say things. Other times I feel like I do not want to erase the work that others have done to make a situation better just because I pushed to hard but just as I referenced the speaker from Chapel last week, "You cannot push too soon or you will hurt the baby and you will hurt yourself." I deal with lots of different situations on a daily basis and I tend to get stressed out a lot. I deal with lots of different confrontations and the conflict never seems to stop. I am not sure if this is preparing me for the future or if it is the people I am around at this point in my life, but I have learned that I need to try and make things positive when I am faced with a situation because blowing up will only make things worse and it will not even begin to bring about a solution. I try so hard to make things right sometimes though and I end up making things worse or I ruin a good opportunity because I do not know how to just sit back and let things develop, I am very proactive in making things happen now and I will run through all the possible scenarios to make it work. This is a major problem and I am working on growing in this area and hopefully making changes to this process very soon. I am tired of the same results every time something new comes into my life. It is literally the same stuff and a different day, broken record just like my Christian walk. There is a strong correlation in our lives with the way our spiritual lives are going and I can definitely attest to that based on what I have experienced and my everyday life. Things go good for awhile and then it all falls apart in a matter of minutes or hours, it is not a time to lose hope though, it is a time to look forward to how to make things better and hold on tonight.

I work hard to be a good example but it seems like people are watching me with a spotlight. If I do or do not do something, it gets picked apart, good and bad, it is nice to have a following but I just try to set an example. I am not the example or the leader that must be followed based on what I do. It seems like I am being prideful but I am just saying from my interactions with people, I hear these things and it worries me because I am not one to necessarily the one to be followed but I will help guide people, I am just not perfect and that needs to be recognized. I do not have the final say in most situations and I cannot always be looked to for answers. Ecclesiastes 7:8-10 states, "The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your sprit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Do not say, 'why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions." The resolution to conflict or to any situation is better than the end because then we know the outcome and we can move on, patience leads me to understanding and pride tears me down as much as I try to avoid it. Being reserved in spirit is a very tough thing to do but I am working at what God has for me and I hope that you will to. Being able to go back to the old days should not even be a thought because the future holds so much more joy for me and the past just makes me think of what could have been, not what is going to be.

I need to carefully consider my interactions with others especially when I meet people because I tend to push people off early if they do not meet what I feel is required of them at this point in my life and I either try to force them into that role and it turns out bad or I just do not give them a chance to develop into that role. I am sorry to those that I have done this to and I hope that if I get the chance I can make things better and have you fit right where you belong in my life.

If anyone needs prayer or just wants to talk, you know how to find me. I would like to continue to thank those of you who read these and do not be bashful when it comes to commenting or just talking about posts with me, I wish I had someone to critically think with when it comes to all of this. I hope you are all doing well.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Reconciliation

I have wrestled with myself for the past year and a half about whether to try and keep this thing going and every time I attempt to, I fail. I continue to think its all about me and what I am doing and what people see and perceive but it has nothing to do with that. My lack of being in the word is what leads me to fall away from this and in certain situations to fall down from my faith. I pushed away six months of working fervently to post because I got caught up in the wrong situation. My priorities when it came to spending time with God had completely diminished. I tried for a time to stay straight but when I realized that I wanted something more, I found ways to avoid what I knew was right. I think we tend to do that a lot of times. We find ourselves doing what is convenient over what is right and/or righteous. Its much easier to justify why you did something to your church friends than it is to justify why you did not do something to your friends who have no problem with certain behavior. In reality, doing the latter is much easier, we just do not want to deal with the repercussions. At church we might feel condemned for a bit or that people think of us differently but sooner or later we can get past that but our image to the world is such a vital part of who we are. I'm thinking of removing certain things from my life and I am not ashamed to say what they are but I feel that it is more of a personal choice and I do not want to be commended for striving towards a certain goal so I will refrain from going into specifics. Let me just say that I know there are things that influence me even though I think I can handle the situations I put myself in and the things I experience. I am trying to reach out and effect people but I cannot fully do so unless I take care of the things in my personal life first, it all affects the way that I minister to those around me because I cannot believe the things I am saying if I am not living it or at least making a conscious effort to live that lifestyle.

I have always had a heart for helping people through things and trying in some ways to lead my friends who have gone astray back to where they once where. I also try to reach the lost though not always to the extent in which I should be trying. I do tend to be a little pushy from time to time. I wonder why it is so hard for someone to see what they need, I want to help them see it but I also need to realize that it needs to be on their own terms that they can come back Persistence is one thing, being forceful or trying to pull their hand can be a huge deterrent. A former NCU student spoke in Chapel last Friday and he said that when his wife had her first kid, she kept saying she just wanted it out of her but the doctor said, "you have to wait, if you push too hard now then you could damage the baby and damage yourself." He conveyed this on a Christian level ever so eloquently by saying that if we push to hard, we may hurt someone's perception of the church and in doing so hurt our ministry opportunities. I felt like he was speaking directly to me in some ways and I really need to apply the concepts of his message.

I feel like Corinthians 5:11-15 best conveys how I am feeling and hopefully it reaches out to some of you who read this. It states, "Since then. we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in what is seen rather than what is in the heart. If we are out of our mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. " When we mess up, we are not only hurting ourselves, we are hurting those around us. Sin negatively affects our attitude, our lifestyle, and most importantly our ministry. Your feelings when you try to reach out to someone are going to affect your effectiveness and you will find yourself feeling as though you are not good enough. This is a lie from the snake pit in hell and will just amplify those feelings of inadequacy and it may even push you away from the greatest thing you have ever/could ever have known.

I hope you all take these words into consideration and reflect on how you do things in your own life. I know that I need some work but I know that God is working in me and I am continuing to get stronger, it is only a matter of time before I am knocking down every wall that Satan tries to put up because God is right there supplying my strength and pointing out the weak spots in the foundation. If you need prayer please let me know, I am growing in my passion for prayer and I would love to be interceding for you. I hope you are all doing well and as always, comments/suggestions are always appreciated.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Bad Company?

My last post addressed watching out for others by not dragging them down into your sin and I admitted that occasionally I could be guilty of that. I also have taken time in the past week to think about things in my life and where I am going. What do I truly want? Where am I willing to make sacrifices to achieve my goals? Well right now I really want to get to know people and start investing in the lives of those around me. I thought I was making a really good friend and then things fell apart for reasons beyond my control. I wish I could change things and I wish I could convey how I really feel but I know I messed up and I know I need to grow from it. I understand that patience is another thing I still need to work on and though it seems far away, I know that I can achieve it. I know that I need to sacrifice my personal comfort and wants in order to achieve my goals because everything within me tells me I should be somewhere else, chasing other things. I still believe God has me here for something more than baseball and school. I always think that I am beginning to find what that is and then it falls apart. Either I set myself back or someone else pushes me away from where I was going. Letting everything fall into place is very tough and I wish that I would allow it to happen more often. I do not let people influence my thinking but when people present things, I do question what I hear. Sometimes I do not know how to process the information and asking questions just makes it worse. I wish I had taken more time to assess the situation because I feel like I lost something great all because of selfishness and pride. I hope that I have not blown my only chance to enter this door because it seemed like God wanted me to at least take a look inside and see where it would take me. Perhaps I needed to learn a lesson first in regards to sin and temptation and that is where I was at last week. I tend to put myself in poor situations and I think I know why.

When I find myself in poor situations its because I usually disregarded what my senses were telling me and I try to manage it on my own. I need to question who I am with when I mess up or what I am letting influence me. If you think you are stronger than you are, you have too much pride and you will find yourself falling. There comes a time when you know where your strength comes from and that is when you find yourself successful in sticky situations. 1st Corinthians 15:33-34 states, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.' Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God -- I say this to your shame." I need to figure out what I am doing with my time and how I am being influenced by those around me. My intentions may be good but if I am not in a situation that is for building me up then I am putting myself in harm's way. I wish it were all easier and I wish I was not stuck in between. I am finding out how to deal with things and try to eliminate drama as needed. I know that I have good morals and that I generally make good decisions but when I let myself fall into a trap then I feel like I have no way out and ultimately give in. I need to find a way to allow God to move through a situation rather than pushing him to the side. I know there is more that I can do but for now, what I am dealing with is out of my hands. I will just sit back and try to let God work. There might be some things that I can do but for the most part I have to just let it go. If the situation does not work out how I hope it does, then I guess I take it with a grain of salt and move on. Only God knows what will be and I must trust him to make the situation what I believe is right.

Please continue to pray for me. I have been lacking in prayer and try to remember everyone but my prayer time is not in the most efficient time slot and I find myself unable to finish what I started. Its time for me to grow and make some effective changes and please pray that I am able to take that step. If you have any requests please feel free to contact me and I will pray for you. Keep seeking him and never give up.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Waking Up

There comes a point when you know that the sin in your life is not just your sin but you cause other people to sin. Whether it is a sin you commit with another person or your sin influences someone else to sin, you find yourself struggling to find a way out so that the decisions you make can help other people out rather than hurt them. You can hurt a Christian by causing them to stumble but you can pick them up too if you know how to fix things between you and God and look out for them the next time around. It is one thing to make decisions that affect yourself but its a whole different feeling when you make decisions that affect other people. Being that I want to go into the business world and more specifically the sport world, the decisions that I make everyday will not only affect me but they will affect my co-workers, the players, the fans, other teams, and many more. If you find yourself having influence on people in a poor way (it may be unintended), you need to seek God and make things right because you are heading down a path that you do not want to go and you might ruin someone's life in the process. Sure they can make their own decisions, but if you know they struggle with something and you are facilitating that, you have to put the breaks on or caution them somehow. In Galatians it talks about "restoring others gently if your brother is caught in a sin but you who are spiritual should be careful or you also may be tempted." This is a very true statement because usually we go along for the ride when someone is having fun or making a destructive decision, it is human nature! We need to be careful though because not only will you be responsible for what you did, you are somewhat responsible for the action of the other(s). Eve convinced Adam that eating the apple was the best choice and he did not bother to ask any questions because he had no reason to doubt Eve. In the same way, we meet people and sometimes they think they can trust us but in the end it just leads to destruction and hurt.

I would like to say that the Bible just ends in Galatians with the verse about restoring your brothers gently but that is not the case. Mark 9:42 states, "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone around his neck." Harsh words for our generation to hear but it is most definitely a warning to watch out for your brothers and sisters in Christ. Ephesians 4:29 is about speech and building up other Christians but I think our speech and our attitudes ultimately reflect our actions and so we need to be careful of how we talk to our fellow believers. I wish I could say I was immune to all this but occasionally I find myself in a situation in which I have to make a decision or watch my speech when it comes to fellow believers. I want to be okay and I want to stay out of situations that are potentially harmful but in order to do that, I need to be more connected with God. Finding out a balance of things every semester is one of the toughest things to do and when you unexpectedly throw in some new responsibilities and other new situations, you tend to get a little jammed and you make sacrifices in some areas that end up hurting you until you can find a more perfect balance for things. I must say that when I write on here I feel like this weight is lifted off me. I wish I burned with the passion that I once did and I know that I still can but I need to find it again, it might take some time. It is all about priorities and making smart decisions and as soon as I figure it out I know I will be happier than I have ever been. God is great and is looking out for me everyday and I am thankful for that. Just remember to look out for your brother's and sisters in Christ.

Please continue to pray for me as I have more stuff to deal with now than I had a few weeks ago. I will continue to pray for all of you and hopefully I will post a little more regularly. Lots of attacks right now but God will pull me through. Hope you all have a good night.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Friend

The best part about being at a school like NCU is that no matter who you are or what you do, at the end of the day you are just another face in the crowd. Athletics does not make you a national star or get you on ESPN, its just a part of who you are and what you do to become a better person. Its not just about building character or revealing character, its learning what it is like to fight through the hard times, to resolve conflict, to enjoy the victory, to know that you played with respect for your opponents no matter how good or bad they are. I still think it is cool how our athletes can go from competition on the road during the day to worshiping God in PG on a Wednesday night. Its not just about worship but interceding for your fellow students and student-athletes. Finding that one person you can talk to about anything and letting it all go because you know they will listen and pray for you. Our community is about more than just friends, it is support in all areas no matter what you have done. If people judge you then that is their problem but know that those who truly care about your well-being are not going to judge you, they are going to pick you up and help you when you need it most. A place like this makes it tough when people leave because those who had the most impact on you might not be there anymore when you need them most. The only thing you can do in that situation is find someone else who can fill the role and from the looks of it, there should be plenty of people. I'm sorry, I forgot I was still talking about NCU... In life, there are rough times that come your way and you are not defined by your job (hopefully) but you can be in the battlefield at work everyday and at night be worshiping God and interceding for your co-workers and family. When you need someone to talk to, you know of that one person who will just let you open up your heart to them because they can help and they will listen. Unfortunately these people move on and you are left to wonder what you are going to do but if you trust those around you, you can most definitely find someone else to step in and take the role. It is a weird feeling but something powerful is going on and you cannot let anything stop it from continuing. The pursuit of happiness is not relegated to the good times, it carries on in the rough times when you are looking for the escape.

There are many instances of people not using their fame in the and they just blend in with the crowd. Being humble is one of the most key characteristics of being a Christian. Jesus could have said that because he was the son of God, he was entitled to such and such a thing here on earth and no one could take it from him because God would strike them down. This is very well a true statement but Jesus knew that in order for everything to make some sense to the people, he had to fit in with them and just be a normal person. He used his knowledge and great spirit so that he could influence those who would listen and ultimately get them to follow him. When he felt alone, he knew that God was always there to hear his cry and get him through the tough times. Feeling like an outcast is not something that Jesus does not know about. He did not chase every women on the street and vie for their attention. Jesus tried to draw little attention to who he was because he knew how much of a controversy it would be. He wanted people to come to him and he would meet them when he knew what they were looking for. Just to be able to physically walk with Jesus and sit down with him would have been an amazing experience. To meet the one who died for me so that I could have life would be the greatest honor ever. To actually sit and discuss scripture with him and listen to how smart he was would have been so amazing. We still have the opportunity today, not so much on a physical level but spiritually we can connect and hear his still small voice. We need to eliminate the noises in our life and lend a careful ear to him and he will guide us through anything we could ever face.

I am praying for those of you that read this, if you do read it I would like to know so I can specifically pray for you especially if I know you are going through something. Continue to pray for me as my everyday struggle continues but as he continues to give me strength everyday, I can feel the tide turning.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

I got this...

Have you ever had a moment in which you did not know what to do? Someone is counting on you to come through for them and you have no idea where to start? I believe we are placed in situations like these so that we can look to the Spirit for guidance and understand how to lead someone in a time of need. Our lives are defined by what we make of the moments that we are given, its not the moments that are great but it is the people who make the moments great. Old friends, new friends, future friends, enemies, family, it does not matter what you are presented with, these people might need your help at some point in your life and there is a high probability that you will have been placed there for a purpose. We back ourselves into our own corners and have to dig ourselves out and it is hard to help people when you are buried up to your head. Never let an opportunity pass you by because you never know when it might change you. I have struggled and struggled to do the right thing countless times and I fail quite a bit. I do not consider myself a hypocrite because I am honest when it comes to telling people the way I am living. If you say that you are not doing anything wrong and then just trying to go about your business as usual, then you are crossing the line of being one of those, "do as I say, not as I do, synagogue rulers." I have been trying to connect with new people lately and reconnect with old friends and I was a little skeptical about it at first but then I figured that I might be able to help someone who is struggling or maybe they just need someone to talk to. It is sad to be lonely when everyone thinks you have it made. In my opinion, it is worse to not have anyone when people think you have everyone because they feel as though you do not need any help or that you do not need someone to talk to but really you are screaming inside for somebody to listen. Sometimes I wish someone would take the time to listen or ask me how I am really doing but I have come to the realization that most people do not care or they are not considerate enough to take time for me and that is fine because I would rather someone not try, then try because they feel like they should be nice.

Noah felt a little like an outcast when he built the ark and when he needed people the most, they just turned away from him and called him crazy. I definitely know what that feeling is like and it makes you feel useless, like you cannot make a difference. The truth is that people will see that God is doing stuff in you and in due time they will realize the mistake they have made. They will come running to you asking for help but unfortunately there will only be so much you can do at once. Some will stick around and others will leave because they do not have the time to wait or they simply feel like there are more important things than waiting to hear what is going on. Those who hear the gospel message and disregard it are ignorant because they do not understand they are passing up. Of course that is easy for a Christian to say but if someone told you that they could save you for eternity and all you had to do was have a relationship with someone you cannot even see, why would you pass up the opportunity of having an "imaginary freind?" Most of us had imaginary friends who we could talk to whenever we wanted and God is a lot like that except for he is real, he listens, and he responds! It only takes the effort of reading AND obeying his guidelines for life and talking to him everyday. Seems pretty harmless to me if you have 20 open minutes a day to devote to saving yourself and hopefully saving others along the way. Like I said last week, it is not enough to just be in it for yourself, you are in it because he is the Christ (Reggie Dabbs sermon), or you are in it because it is all about you and you are being selfish. Give time to God, work on bringing people into his kingdom, and you will have a foundation of what it is to be a Christian. Amos 5:14-15 states, "Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the Lord God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph." Overall, do what you need to do, reach out and take ahold of whatever is clean and close by. When they storms come, we need to know where each other are and who can help when things are falling apart (literally).

I hope that all of you have had a good day, God is doing amazing things and he is going to continue to work in the lives everyone and I pray that you continue to seek him and obey whim no matter what is going on, he will always pull you through. Please continue to pray for me. I will pray for all of you as well, even if you did not ask for it... you deserve it because of you are in going through something and I will continue to trust God's provision for you.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson