Fighting

This past week was one of the best experiences of my life and I could not be more grateful for what God provided the NCU baseball team as we spent our time at the national tournament in Mason, Ohio. Our service project was simple but perfect in that all we did was make care packages of essentials for people who live in underprivileged countries. These are also used when there is a disaster area foreign or domestic because they provide people with basic hygienic supplies and keep them fresh for the rough day(s) they face ahead of them. The atmosphere at the tournament was truly electric and even though it was baseball, you could feel the presence of God there. I know they will probably never see this but the work of the employees at PRASCO is absolutely amazing in that they served us as we played on their facilities! They were awesome hosts and I really hope that we get to go back next year. The music definitely set the mood with ALL Christian music and even some upbeat worship music. We were constantly reminded of the fact that God brought us together to serve and use our talents for HIS glory and it was most certainly refreshing. I still struggle and make mistakes but I am continuing to get stronger, I just hate missteps, I feel like I am just wasting good opportunities and all my hard work when I screw up. I try everyday but I am just on the brink of taking off completely in the right direction. I feel like I have been here for quite some time now as I feel like I write about it a lot and I guess it is a little discouraging. I know Satan is battling me and I do not want to give in but it is such a tough fight and sometimes I just give up. I know this does not sound like me at all but my spiritual battles are so much different from my worldly or physical battles. I just get so tried of the same stuff all the time because no matter how hard I try, I am never able to get some things out of my head. I left some unfinished business on the altar 3 weeks ago and I feel like I need to do that again because it was an eye opening and refreshing experience that I know truly helped.

My life is filled of mistakes and there are times I feel like they are not even mistakes because I know what I am getting myself into. Call it foolishness or call it being stupid, either way, it needs to change because with certain patterns in my life, God can only do so much for me and through me. I want to continue to pursue him with everything that I am in every aspect of my life. I know I have some areas covered because he has blessed me and is working in them, but I know there is work to do elsewhere and I am sick of being stuck!!!! I know there is a way out and I can stand up under it, I just need to give some things to God like I did 3 weeks ago and then I will be able to move on and break these habits that have formed over the last few years and even from my childhood. He is the healer and provider and I cannot thank him more for all of that. Without him, I am definitely not an All-American, but I am really just a reject who has no place in this world. I have earned nothing, I have been given everything from him and sometimes I guess I am a little too humble if there is such a thing but I want to be confident in what he has given me and when I am confident then I can really do the work that he wants me to do. 1 John 2:28 states, "And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming." I will tell you that if he came back today, I would be going to heaven but I would still be ashamed of myself because I have done some hurtful things to him and until we ask forgiveness and repent from our ways, we will always be ashamed of the things that have taken place in this world. I am ready Lord, use me as you will and speak to me over the next 3 months that I might be changed from who I was at the beginning of last year and most definitely from this moment. I want to be a leader for you and I pray that you will speak to me and allow me to be such a person.

I hope you are all doing well, I am settling in but should be able to post regularly so stay up to date if at all possible. Continue to stay in his word and pray/meditate on him.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson