Pathway

Everyday I tend to find myself in the same spot in my prayer time, always praying the same thing over and over, no substance to my prayer life, just tons of praise to him (which is great) and then the same repeated things being asked for everyday. I just cannot seem to find the words to say that will help me grow and understand what God has for me and my life. I get frustrated because I know he has this awesome plan and I am beginning to follow it but I am having such a hard time trying to stay on track. When I fall down I wonder how I can be called to do something when in my own life I constantly show myself that I am not good enough by falling back into the same things over and over, it is like an endless cycle. I wonder why he brings people to me that only last a short while, it is like they are meant to give me something or show me something but I just cannot seem to take ahold of that. It seems that every time I meet someone that I think could be a huge part of my life, I end up having to leave them behind because I am moving on to other things. Part of that could just be on me because I am not listening to God's direction, or the other part is that I am just blinding myself to what they really have for me and am not gaining anything from them because I am too busy being bitter. God brings great people into my life all the time and I am not saying that if I have not left you behind before then you have not or will not make a big impact on my life or that you are not great, it is just that there are some in which I feel I should have more time with but it just never seems to work out. I know this is just me being selfish and I need to see the big picture but it does get hard every once in a while. God is showing me that I need to have patience and that is something I just realize as I was typing this. I do all this talk about God's timing but I still tend to think about things on my timing. I wish my pathway was clear and I could see ahead for miles and miles but the truth is that I have to take life one day, one step, one second, one moment at a time. Last night I had a hug that only comes from the heart, the ones that just warm you even when you are the coldest, the one that seems like it came in the comfort of your own home, the ones that mom's give (but not quite as good as mom's :-) ) the one that lets you know that God does exist and he has brought people into your life to show you his greatness in the midst of all your doubt. I tend to think that only people who do not have God are the only ones who need someone to push them along but in reality, we ALL do and sometimes a dose of him through someone else is just what we need to keep going.

Today is not so much of me reading and posting my thoughts but it is more of me reminiscing and pushing myself through some things I have been struggling with. When I need comfort and guidance I have said that I need to go to the Bible and to God and that is what I did today when I had some free time. Psalm 119:33-40 states, "Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness." As I read this it hit me that this prayer applies directly to me. I tend to say many of these things in one way or another everyday in prayer but usually it is me saying help me do these things or when I sin I say it because I think it feels right. The truth is that this should be my prayer everyday and when I get to that point where I met this, then I should be praying that I retain these gifts and not forget them. This is my prayer, I have been searching for what to pray and I finally found something that I need to do in order for God to transform my life completely. I have been trying hard but not hard enough. I have just been sitting on a fence that I built about 90% of the way a few months ago and I was waiting for him to pull me the next 10% but he has been waiting patiently for me to jump off and keep going. Too long have I been working on my time, I literally get goosebumps when I think of all he has done for me and all that he has given me in recent months. I am so undeserving yet he still shows his love and grace to me and for that I could not be more thankful.

I hope you all have had/are having a great monday, please continue to pray for me. I am praying for all of you and if you need prayer about anything then please do not hesitate to ask. If you would like a bible because you do not have one, I will do what I can, just let me know. If you want to discuss anything on here from this post or recent posts, feel free to text/call me at 480-292-1754.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson