Day 33

Well, I slipped and fell again today and Satan is trying to keep me down but God picked me up and helped me dust myself off. I have come to find that unless I really change the way I speak, I cannot fully keep myself from falling back from time to time. I still have not fully given myself 100%. I am not talking about cursing when I talk about speech, but I mean in how I talk to others tone wise and the types of topics that I talk about. I need to overcome and only follow God's plan and his Word. The only way to fully protect your heart is to make sacrifices when it comes to certain conversations or movies that we watch. It is my decision on which path I want to follow and I can only follow God effectively one way and that is to keep striving to go all out. I can honestly say that I am pretty good at giving lip service to God because I find that it is harder for me to take action. It is not a good thing and I know that I will get past this stage but I need to keep going to the Word and using the Word to help me get through the day.

Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 is titled "Stand in Awe of God" and it states, "Guard your footsteps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know what they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, 'My vow was a mistake.' Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God." Stop, wait a minute... why are we supposed to guard our steps as we approach the house of God? Are we not supposed to approach the throne of grace with confidence? Ah, twisted meaning, so lets straighten this one out. Yes we should approach the throne of grace with confidence but at the same time think before you speak. The only way you can make yourself look like an idiot before God is if you do not speak carefully and with assurance as to fulfill what you say or to really want what you are asking for. God wants us to speak with thought instead of just acting on ourselves because if we only go in desperation then we might just be making things worse by making promises we cannot fulfill or by asking for something that is not ready to be given. It is okay to be fervent but it must be with the right heart. The same can be applied to the concept of marriage today, why are the divorce rates so high? well I am not an expert, but here is my opinion based on this verse and some of the things I have seen in my lifetime. "Do not let your mouth lead you into a sin. And do not protest... my vow was a mistake" Why would someone vow to live life with another in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, whether rich or poor, until death do they part if they had any doubt in their mind that they would be able to follow through? Why would I vow to God to never do that again if I knew that I could let my mind get the best of me? My answer would be that it is human nature and because when it happens, we are not relying on God during those times. I will be honest and say that I forget to put my armor on some days and those are the days I usually get burned. It is also said, "It is better not to vow that to make a vow and not fulfill it" gee if you ask me, God is making us sound like we are politicians when it comes to Christianity and being faithful to him. I have found that in order to fit into this world, you have to be like most everybody else, and I think that being weird or different is better when it comes to most things. 

If I wanted to be part of the normal group of kids, I would go out most every weekend and do some sort of drinking, hook up with a girl in some way (whether a girlfriend or not), and would consume tobacco in one way, shape, or form. In order to live for Christ, I have to appear to be the weird one who chooses to not say anything rather than to say something that I regret. I am having a hard time with this, but it is getting easier. To be the weird one means that I have to go against many decisions and choose to live a lifestyle that is pleasing to my SAVIOR, my CRATOR, and my GOD! I have to focus on giving up temporary worldly things that bring temporary happiness and fix my eyes on Christ. In order to live for Christ I have to be the one who will get beat up or laughed at because of my beliefs. I could only hope to leave this life the way that Cassie Bernall did on April 20th, 1999 when 2 boys walked up to her, pointed a fun in her face, and asked her if she believed in God and without hesitation she said "Yes" they immediately shot and killed her. This was a girl who was willing to let her yes be yes and her no be no, and she made a vow to God that she would do whatever it takes to make a difference for His Kingdom. The last verse of this passage really speaks to me and it says, "Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God." Awe is defined as  "A feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder" From here on out, it is time to start being in awe of what God does, I should not be surprised by what God can do, I should be happy that he does what he says he will do even when I cannot always do what I say I will do. Now the point of this though is that as long as I keep my armor on and keep God by my side, I should be able to fulfill all the promises that I make in him because they come from him and are a part of his plan for my life.

My goal is to have strengthen myself in God so that I do not fall down again in the same way that I did today. I will keep you posted on how I am doing with that and am going to be completely open and honest when it comes to this.  I hope that you all are doing well and I hope to hear from you soon. Have a good night.

Joseph Robinson