Back in the Game

I'm such a mess, I do not even know where to begin. The last few months have been crazy and very testing. My patience, pride, strength (physical, emotional, and spiritual), knowledge, wisdom, etc. Everything has been tested to the limit and I am trying to keep myself from hitting a breaking point. I have tried journaling but I'm not much for writing stuff out by hand. The only constant place to write my thoughts has been on this blog. I can be honest in saying I have not done a very good job of writing on here as consistently as I had intended when I first started blogging. I will say that I have made progress in the last 4 1/2 years. I am not as far along as I thought I would be at this point but I think it is time to start making progress. I have hurt, used, lied, dragged down, discouraged, and outright shown people the opposite of who my parents raised me to be and ultimately who I believe God intended me to be. It is by the grace of God that I stand where I am today and am able to say I still am hanging on to Him, albeit by a thread. I have thought so many times about giving up on what I am doing and just tying to find an easy road. It sounds funny, but the coward inside me does not drive me away from what I am doing, it pushes me toward my goals. I know that sounds like an oxymoron but I am too afraid to quit for fear of what others will think of me and that internally pushes me to find a way to succeed or at the very least see something through to completion. I say this a lot but I believe it is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I will not give up on something but I will be completely miserable while doing it. I still try to put forth my best effort but internally I am struggling with carrying on.  I know that I serve a purpose for being here, that I am not just another person who will go through the motions on earth and have no major impact. I have no clue what I want to actually do anymore. The sports industry is not as glamorous as you would think it is. Everything I have heard from people in the industry to this point makes me think I will have no time for my family, my life will be dedicated to my job, and I will work long hours with very little time to attend church. I love sports and I strongly want them to be apart of my life but I am not willing to give up my life for this. If I can find a job that allows me to work in sports (at a university or for a professional team) and not demand 12-15 hours a day, I would definitely pursue it. I know not every job in the industry is so busy but the position is probably not the GM of the Los Angeles Dodgers. God is shaping my mind to focus on what he wants and he is continually trying to get me back on a daily path towards Him and I hope that I can continue to do that. 

Psalm 139:23-24 states, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I prayed a very simple prayer last week and God came through in a big way. Even when I have not been faithful to Him, He has still been faithful to me. Throughout high school and college He allowed me to play without any significant injuries. I got hurt but was able to play thorough those periods of being hurt and not miss any games. However, I was more concerned with winning than I was with building stronger friendships with everyone on my team and for that I need to apologize to my teammates. I feel as though I was a good leader in terms of trying to motivate and work hard on the field but off the field as a friend and relationally, I was not always the best. I do know that God is working in me and I need to let Him continue to work if I want to be successful in life. I have lived a very short 23 and a half years but I also know that the rest are going to be just as short and I will be old in just a short period of time. I have passed the point where I need to stop wasting time and life so that I can grow and begin to do what I was placed here to do. 

Thank you for anyone who is still reading this and who has supported me throughout the years. I am going to ACTUALLY try and be more consistent at this. I will be praying for you continually and am forever indebted to those who have always been here.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Again

Well it's been a while so let me see if I remember how to do this. Since I was last on here, I finished my final year of school, finished my last year of college baseball, and walked across the stage to finish my collegiate career. It has been an exciting year to say the least. I have made new friends, reconnected with old ones, and have met the most amazing girl I think that I will ever meet. Now just because it has been an exciting year, that does not mean I have not had my share of failures, struggles, tears, and disagreements. Overall I would say this was the most difficult year of college but not on the academic level. Some friendships took a turn for the worse, trying to figure out what to do after graduation, and handling three different head coaches in six months with a team that eventually just wanted to kinda do things on their own was not what I had planned for my senior year. Everyday I try to move on towards the future but my past mistakes try to continue to haunt me in one form or another. I wish I had done more to build friendships, to go do stuff, stay out of trouble, and maybe even chase the MLB dream. Somewhere along the way I just let life get in the way of the things that I love and I have spent so much time wasted doing countless, pointless things over the last 4 years. I cherish the friendships that I made and some I was sorry to have either messed up or let get away. Though I have faced many different struggles and hurt myself as well as others on the way, I still have today to make things right. I am not guaranteed tomorrow but I know that I will trust that my future (how ever long it may be) will continue to build from where I am and not return to the same mistakes I have made. 


Through the years I have heard people say that they are not good enough to go to church or that they just simply cannot be good people but I believe that anyone who WANTS to can attain it. I have said at least fifty times on here that I have a troubled past and the last three years were probably the most troublesome. Occasionally I will try to convince myself that maybe I have fallen away from God too much or that the passion for me just maybe is not there. I feel like this is a lie from Satan and it is something I need to overcome. Good people can get caught up in the wrong things and lose focus for a period of time in life, this does not mean they are horrible people or that you should distance yourself from them because they are "hypocrites" in these times they need their closest friends the most. If you are familiar with Paul, he was not exactly the finest tool that God could use on earth but God had a plan and brought it to fruition. This man did something that in this day and age would probably have half of the world trying to bring him to justice, he was persecuting and killing Christians. Some might even say that some of the deepest and darkest pits of hell are reserved for people like this because they are doing the exact opposite of what pastors and evangelists do. There is good news in all of this though and that is where Philippians 3:10-16 comes into the picture. "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took ahold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take view of such things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." I will take a look into this verse as it pertains to me and hopefully give some general insight into it.


I find it funny because I almost find myself quoting those first few verses about knowing Christ and sharing in his death but that is usually after I have sinned and am giving a fearful attempt at asking forgiveness. I am only fearful because I know that I am not changing, I am just trying to square up with God in case he decides to take me at some point. What I really want to point out though is the next few verses. Paul, who is writing this (inspired by God), is stating that he has not even obtained this yet or to have been made perfect. I will stop there and say that there are times in which I want to be perfect. Most of the time this is why I do not post on here. I do not want to be a hypocrite so I try to become perfect before I post on here so that I can feel more holy or more inspired, I do not know. I must take ahold of this and see that I cannot be made perfect until my death and heavenly resurrection in Christ Jesus. This is not to say that I should not strive to be perfect, if you look at the next verse we see that Paul presses on to take ahold of what is head of him. It is time to forget what is behind and look to the future that is promising and holds great potential that needs to be accessed. The last thing I will point out is that Paul states we should only live up to what we have attained. In this sense, do not try to be more of a Christian then you are ready for or what God has given you. I do not have the time nor the length to describe what this means fully but if you have questions please ask. Fight, fight for what God has called you toward and do not settle for being a struggling Christian. God wants us to flourish but we have to strive for it and press on as well as press in so that God can work in us and through us.


Thank you for reading, I am feeling really good after writing this, I love to do this but for some reason cannot push myself to do it all the time. Hopefully that will change. Once again, if you questions feel free to comment or contact me.


God Bless,


Joseph Robinson

I don't...

Well it has pretty much been a whole semester since I last posted on here and it has been an eventful one to say the least. I do not know where my heart or mind has been. I have been focused on school, socializing, and mixing some baseball in wherever I can. When the semester started, I had the whole year laid out and was ready to graduate in May on what would be the best day of my life to date. Needless to say, God has shaped me and done his best to convince me of a better plan for my life. I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing in six months but I know that I want to continue to be a better person and I want to continue to strive for things that are not of this world. Over the last three years, I have convinced myself that there are certain things I am not good enough to accomplish and I let that affect the person that I was becoming. I kept digging myself a grave and I was okay with that. I tried to post on here so that I could try to straighten things out from time to time but I would only do it long enough to make myself feel better about myself and then I would once again move on. I hurt myself and countless other people time and time again but it never really affected me because I could just move on and convince myself that I was okay. I left scars in myself and other people and I do not know that I have even reflected on all of them yet. I do know that I am ready to leave the past behind and look to what the future holds. 


God has blessed me immensely even when I have been unfaithful. He keeps me on my feet and has put people around me that tell me to keep pressing on. I have resolved to clean things up in many areas of my life. I vaguely remember posting something like this over the summer but this time I am going to make a valiant effort. I realized the other day that when I call out to God when I am in need, it is not just because people are watching and I want to look good. I am usually alone and am desperate but not quite desperate enough to make a change. I know I have tested his patience time and time again but he has remained faithful to me. Paul encourages us not to go on sinning so that grace may increase and at times I feel like I have completely ignored that warning. Our sacrifice has already been made and if we choose to accept that someone has taken our place, then we will have freedom. We need to exercise our freedom in Christ, not in the world and what it has to offer. God has given us and will give us more than we could ask or imagine, we need to step up and take it. I need to step up and take it. I have been thinking a lot about the future lately and for the most part it is uncertain. Where I will be in just 4 short months or so, I have no idea, what I hope to have accomplished by then is the relationship that God has been yearning for ever since I told him that I wanted to be his. If I can attain to even half of what I already have in God, I would be excited but not content, I need more and more.  


I hope that I can share my journey with whoever reads this, I hope to show that God has changed my mind more than my heart because my mind is what is driving me away. Maybe it is my heart and I do not know it but I really feel that it is my mind because my heart aches for God. Thanks for all who have supported me and I know that God will bless you even more than he has blessed me. Hope you all have a great day!


God Bless,
Joseph Robinson

Perfect Love

I have written about love before on here and I have said many things regarding the unconditional love of Christ. I think people struggle everyday with loving others (I know I do). Whether it is just me getting upset with others or my displeasure with the way people drive, think, or act. I get so frustrated with people and sometimes I say that I just downright hate people. Sometimes I think things would be easier if I could just avoid people on a daily basis because I like to think that they are the root of my problems. I know that occasionally I have problems because of other people but usually it is because I make something my problem or I blow something up (figuratively). I know there is plenty of room in my heart to grow and I think that I have a way to go before I can truly love others but I know that I am capable of it. If you ask any of my friends, they would more than likely tell you that I would go to any length for them and that is because I love them. When it comes to love, I have always and will always believe that a major component is that you would go to any length to make somebody happy. Sometimes it is not always beneficial for us to love because it can be painful at times (look at Christ on the cross), however, we see that sacrificial love is the idea of true love and it shows that no matter what you have to do, you will do it for the benefit of another. I firmly believe you can show love to others without knowing them or even having feelings for them. There is a big difference between loving someone and falling in love with them on a passionate level. God and Christ have exhibited both of those traits with us as humans, whether you choose to believe it or not is your own opinion. I think that God created us to exhibit both forms of love and we have distorted it because of the world that we have created for ourselves. We love many things but that is not true love, it is love of something, not love of a person or the expression of love. I think of things we love more of as a favorite rather than a love.

I have pretty much bared myself on here and I will say that I like some "chick flicks" and the other night I DID watch Beastly alone. One particular line stuck out to me, the main character Kyle states, "My dad always said, 'how much people like you is directly proportional to what you look like'.... They hated me." Kyle was considered the most popular person in school and the best looking but his personality sucked and he did not quite understand the notion that people talked behind his back and they did not like him because of the way that he treated those that were not as good looking or those who were, "losers." Love looks past the imperfections of a person and we see this in 1st Corinthians 13:10, "But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears." Now this does not mean that you will find someone perfect, it means that when the right person comes along, nothing else matters, you deal with the flaws because all you can see is perfection. Now there are going to be bumps in the road and it is going to take work but when there are problems, it is the notion of perfection that drives you to see past the flaws and hardship. You battle for people that you love, you do whatever it takes to ensure their success and you try to drive them to the top. If you do not believe me then look at the words of God and Jesus in the Bible. There are mistakes almost from beginning to end in the Bible but God and Jesus see past that to push people towards perfection because they are able to exhibit unconditional love and never give up on those that they care most about (which is everyone). His pursuit of us is never ending and he will fight for us until our last breath is taken. My prayer is that I can find a way to love all people this way but until then, I will continue to love those that I already have in my life and the ones that are coming into my life that I feel I can love. I will probably never love everybody but I think that if I strive to and I can overcome some of my personal feelings, I can strive to and continue to work on it for a lifetime.

Thanks again for reading, it has been a great week and I have a somewhat long one ahead of me. I am leaving for Oklahoma on Monday morning and heading to Texas on Wednesday and then up to Manhattan sometime next weekend. I have some friends who need prayer, mostly health problems, if you could, please keep them in your prayers.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Battle Call

I consider myself a fairly free thinker and I usually say what is on my mind depending on the situation. I think of some of the craziest scenarios in my head and think of what I would do in certain situations. For example, I found myself thinking about being in a scenario where there was a national emergency (plane hijacking, shooter, bomber, etc.) whatever the case may be and what would I do if I had the chance to give my life to protect others. As I played a particular possibility in my head I knew exactly what I would do in defense of my family and the good of my country. I know that given the right circumstances I would give myself up for those around me, not because I would be considered hero but because I have a deep care for others and I want others to have a good life. I have had to drop my pursuit of relationships, friendships, or sharing of the Gospel for the simple fact that I needed to do it for the other person. I have stated before that some people are only apart of your life for a short amount of time but their impact can be significant and there are others who are there by your side for the purpose of helping you along. I started listening to a song yesterday and the lyrics state, "This is a battle call, gather soldiers, time to go to war. This is a battle song, brothers and sisters, time to go to war." The lyrics resonated with me in that as a Christian, my battle call has been sounded. I have been asked to go and fight for the lives of those around me, to give up my life for the cause of Christ that I might lead others to do the same. I have been truly blessed to live the life I have lived so far and I would not trade it for anything. It is time to go to war and to fight for something that is truly worth living for.

One Bible story that comes to mind when I think about answering the call is David. He was just a shepherd who had no significance to anyone other than his father and his brother in that he was able to tend to the flock while they were away doing other business. When David showed up to bring food to his brothers, he found a more significant purpose. Day by day went by and none of the other soldiers in the Israelite army would stand up to Goliath because he was a formidable opponent. Not only was he tall but he was very powerful. I imagine him being able to basically knock guys out with one punch and his reach would be so long that it would take a long distance weapon to take him down. David saw the opportunity to step up and save his people and his family from being taken captive by the Philistines. Even when no one else believed in him, David knew that he had to answer the call. What is so surprising is that the call did not even come from his own camp, it came from across the field where Goliath would stand every morning and mocked the Israelites and challenged anyone to come and face him. When I think of a battle call, I think of our own people sounding the alarm that it is time to fight but this time was different. The enemy was practically begging for someone to come out because he thought that he would slaughter anyone who would come against him, Goliath should have just walked away but he was arrogant and wanted to pick a fight. Just about everyone knows the story, David convinced the Israelites to allow him to go forward and he used a sling and a rock to take down Goliath. Not only did David answer the call but he won the war because he stood up for what he loved and he had faith that is rarely seen. I feel that we are called out on a daily basis by the devil and his demons to face the world because they think they can get the best of us. Whether it be by causing us to sin or discouraging us in our pursuit of sharing the Gospel, the devil wants us to battle him because he thinks he can win. Unfortunately for him, we have the same opportunity to win like David did because God is still on our side! We have nothing to fear because our God is with us no matter what the circumstances are and he will aide us in our endeavor to complete is work. So I encourage you to answer the battle call and do not allow yourself to be bullied by the enemy!

Thank you all for reading, I truly believe this is a blessing to some people and for those who have commented, thank you! Please continue to pray for me as I am heading back to the midwest in a few days and I have a long road ahead of me!

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

I miss...

I miss being a kid, I miss being innocent, I miss not having much to worry about, I miss the days of hanging out with friends from morning to evening, I miss the days filled with video games from wake up to bed time, I miss the cheesy birthday parties with goofy gifts, I miss showing up to play baseball and win or lose you still got to do something fun afterward, I miss the innocent crushes, I miss having my day planned out for me, but most of all I just miss how easy things were. I wish I had days that were carefree and I wish that the consequences of my disobedience were not as great as they are today. I wish I could go back and enjoy all my favorite moments over again. I do not want to go back in time to fix things or do things differently, I just want to relive the great memories. My scars make me who I am today but the good experiences will only be memories. I am thankful for the memories I have with good friends, with old friends, and even the friends that I will never see again. I think about the friends that I do have and am so glad that they are there for me. I have one particular friend in Arizona whom I would not trade for anything. I get along with her so well and even though we do not hang out or talk much, we have a great time when we do hang out. We met junior year and we spent some time together and those were probably our most fun times together. Senior year we talked a little bit and even had a class together which was fun, she got in trouble a lot which was always hilarious but through all that I most enjoyed getting a call or text asking for help on the homework. Sometimes I tend to think of myself as not a very good friend but something she wrote in my yearbook senior year has stood with me through the years and I think it has been the core of why I do not give up on some people very easily. She wrote, "Joe, you are such an amazing friend, even when I am not and it means a lot." I think that is what having friends is all about, even when you are treated bad (intentionally or unintentionally), you stick with those people through whatever it is and you try to not lose touch with them because they will impact you more than you could ever imagine.

There are many different examples throughout the Bible of true friends and standing up for each other. We see division among friends as well as reconciliation, we see people betrayed and people saved, it is truly amazing the life lessons that can be found in the Bible. One of the great examples of friendship is between David and Jonathan. Jonathan covered for David when Saul was trying to kill him and he did exactly as David asked. We see that Jonathan practically put his own life on the line for his best friend and to find out if his dad really intended to kill him. In 1st Samuel 20:12-17, they make a pact and it is a lifelong, once in a lifetime agreement to always be friends no matter what happens. Jonathan wants David to understand that no matter what his father wants, he will always be on his side and he will do his best to protect him. These friends shared a special bond that not many people are able to for fear of mistrust or just simply being insecure. If David and Jonathan had never seen each other again, they would still have the memories of their childhood together and they would never forget each other. At times, it is difficult for us to get along with our friends or with other people in general but God has placed people on earth that we can trust and that we can open up to if we allow ourselves to. We all have our own perception of what life should be like for ourselves and a lot of times we chase after that while leaving others behind. Do not leave your friends in the dust as you continue to grow. Share what is going on and allow them to provide insight or come along with you on the journey because you never know what they can do to help. Instead of missing the days when things were great, carry on the tradition and good times by keeping people in your life whom you can really appreciate and hopefully invest in as well. Always be thankful for the people that you have and never give up on those who have been troublesome but you know you can rely on.

Thanks for reading, hope you all are having a great day. Let me know if you need prayer for anything and please continue to pray for me.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson

Speed

Life seems to go by quicker with each passing day. I have a niece who will be 10 this December, the majority of my brothers and sisters are into or close to their 30s, I have a year left of undergrad, and the days just seem to get shorter and shorter with time. I do not know why it seems that things are going by so fast but I need to try and slow it all down some way, some how. In the past I have really sped things up and almost moved on to some important steps in my life before I was ready. I have found that I want things to happen on my terms and not on God's or anyone else's and that usually leads to me ruining something or giving up on it before it is time. I have been foolish at times and have given into my own desires but I have also stood up for myself and my belief and left myself feeling pretty good. It is all just a matter of how you approach things and determining whether or not you are going to push the boundaries of what you believe and where you stand on certain things. I find some things so much easier to control than others and I can stand against some things easier than others. I guess we all have our giants that we face and we all have our own Samson spot. We all are weakened by something but we need to prevent those areas from being attacked and left vulnerable. Samson lost his sight because he left himself open to an attack but God still used him to accomplish something great. Let us become aware of what hinders us and begin to ensure that we are not brought down by those things, I believe those are the walls that keep us from attaining all that we want to in Christ and it is up to us to ask for help to break down those walls and find the freedom that has been promised to us.

We all have days and moments where we find ourselves in a bind. Whether we are spiritually falling apart, a relationship is falling apart, we have lost someone, or whatever the case may be. I have had some pretty crummy days and I have pushed myself into some tight spots but I always seem to get back up and I really have no idea how I do it. I wish things were easier most of the time but I do not think that I would ever grow or get stronger and so for the trials and suffering, I am thankful a thousand times over. My prayer for today is Psalm 119:65-72 which states, "Do good to your servant according to your word, O Lord. Teach me knowledge and good judgement, for I believe in your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold." Let us remain in good faith and fight for the promises that God has given to us for he is faithful forever. Some days I just do not know how much more I can take but then I think about what he did on the cross for me and I know that I will have the strength to make it through, I may not always be the happiest person but I am working on that and I am trying to turn things around. It has been a rough road and there is still a long way to go, I hope that I can figure out how to smooth things out and slow things down. Until then... we'll see what happens.

Thanks for reading, hope that all of you have a good day/night and if you need prayer for anything, do not hesitate to ask.

God Bless,

Joseph Robinson